The Qualifications of a Pastor...according to many Pastors

From what I often hear other popular Christian Pastors say, here is how 1 Timothy 3:1-7 should have been written:

1 Timothy 3:1-7
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer (pastor), he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be relevant. In order to get a sizable audience, the pastor must prostitute the gospel. He must also have an exceptional portion of humor. Furthermore, if he can base his Sunday Preaching on a modern stand-up Comedic routine he deserves a double wage. He must be the attractional type. Why else would anyone come to hear him preach the word of God? The overseer must be self-controlled except when it comes to his tongue. The more flamboyant, the better. Oh, did I mention he must be relevant? The most polished Pastors are the ones who have learned how to preach as little Bible as possible while mixing in as many stories and jokes as possible. The pastor should not worry about how outsiders or other Christians for that matter think about him because he is God's Annointed and they are only jealous of his church size. The pastor must be cool and hip. So depending on your place of service that might mean wearing Brooks Brother suits or designer jeans and shirts. And did I mention, the pastor must be relevant?

Thank God for the real 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and passages like 1 Corinthians 1:18-2:5; 1 Corinthians 4, 1 Timothy 5:17, 2 Timothy 4, and Titus 1. They are truly why so many pastors endure when hardship comes from every side.